I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize