Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
