Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
