just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize