just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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