You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
