She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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