Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
