i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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