you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
