I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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