Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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