i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
