i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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