You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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