This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize