Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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