She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
