Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Randomize
