I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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