I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
