yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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