You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
