It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
