you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
