i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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