I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
