How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
