woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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