i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
