I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
