why didn't you poke me back
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
