So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
His hands were made for my vagina.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize