My nipple is on Facebook.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
