Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
