Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
