Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
