thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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