I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
