i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
