He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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