If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
