o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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