If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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