Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
