So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
