if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
do herpes really smell.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Houston, we have a squirter
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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