Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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