I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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