just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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