i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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