i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
