She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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