I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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