I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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