ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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