I skipped work to stalk him.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
