Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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