btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
