Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
