i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
