He asked to "fluff my boner.."
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
