Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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