Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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