Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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