In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Randomize
