oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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